He uses pillows to masturbate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
