so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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