Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
