Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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