tell your sister to shave her snatch
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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