How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize