Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
