just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
