he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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