1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
