So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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