If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Pooping to opera.
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