next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
