boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize