Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
