Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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