What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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