I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
