you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
