I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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