Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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