He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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