You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk is not a location!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
