I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I deserve this hangover.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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