I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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