I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
