yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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