apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
