He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
