have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
