i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
