I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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