I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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