My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
