yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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