I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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