Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
