Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
