I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
