Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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