So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
