ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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