More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
