Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
