Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
