oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
