I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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