bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
