i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
