my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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