my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a search helicopter?!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you had me at cake vodka
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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