Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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