I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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