he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
