I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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