wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
