I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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