so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
