You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize