handjob tips. give me some.
it was like eating out sand paper
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
