Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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