I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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