good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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