So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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