I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?