my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.