2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are the jesus of drinking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.