Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin

  (509): View more from Washington

  and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"

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  (509): you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin (509): and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD" http://tfl.nu/lw4q
  Replies (37) Good night (3707) Bad night (644)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

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  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (7143) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.

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  (520): Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents. http://tfl.nu/dtw6
  Replies (5) Good night (4339) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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  (781): the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away.......... http://tfl.nu/eso1
  Replies (32) Good night (812) Bad night (8390)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

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  (407): shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands. http://tfl.nu/6i6m
  Replies (22) Good night (862) Bad night (4607)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.

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  (715): He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now. http://tfl.nu/ppv0
  Replies (7) Good night (3111) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt

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  (317): We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt http://tfl.nu/hqwl
  Replies (12) Good night (3182) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"

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  (541): I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail" http://tfl.nu/tdde
  Replies (11) Good night (2837) Bad night (570)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.

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  (970): The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad. http://tfl.nu/lkeb
  Replies (4) Good night (1018) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down

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  (516): Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down http://tfl.nu/5kb0
  Replies (4) Good night (899) Bad night (1387)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.

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  (704): Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox. http://tfl.nu/wyx0
  Replies (18) Good night (1336) Bad night (3659)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends

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  (609): Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends http://tfl.nu/v4m8
  Replies (11) Good night (563) Bad night (1451)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.

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  (337): Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed. http://tfl.nu/ptzk
  Replies (12) Good night (2007) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.

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  (570): So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry. http://tfl.nu/zqk1
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?

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  (703): Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask? http://tfl.nu/w6jy
  Replies (4) Good night (345) Bad night (214)

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