Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.

  (518): View more from New York

  Huh?

  (917): View more from New York City

  I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.

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  (917): I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college. (518): Huh? (917): I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school. http://tfl.nu/00x0
  Replies (33) Good night (782) Bad night (4038)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  You at least unplugged it right?

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  (540): I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought... (1-540): You at least unplugged it right? http://tfl.nu/cwvi
  Replies (37) Good night (1224) Bad night (4053)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5295) Bad night (680)
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  (310): View more from California

  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

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  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
  Replies (28) Good night (1321) Bad night (7054)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

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  (847): as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning? http://tfl.nu/weqo
  Replies (22) Good night (10178) Bad night (1159)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!

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  (802): just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke! http://tfl.nu/q0f1
  Replies (39) Good night (7100) Bad night (2026)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.

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  (989): there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked. http://tfl.nu/cvgr
  Replies (5) Good night (4320) Bad night (1017)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.

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  (803): I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT. http://tfl.nu/pk4z
  Replies (4) Good night (1497) Bad night (547)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...

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  (843): So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight... http://tfl.nu/ph6r
  Replies (4) Good night (718) Bad night (481)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?

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  (203): We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate? http://tfl.nu/bazj
  Replies (10) Good night (655) Bad night (421)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom

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  (781): Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom http://tfl.nu/px62
  Replies (2) Good night (606) Bad night (308)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.

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  (570): Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid. http://tfl.nu/yx4k
  Replies (1) Good night (811) Bad night (276)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...

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  (419): I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord... http://tfl.nu/yyau
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (346)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.

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  (651): Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up. http://tfl.nu/p8h2
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (288)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??

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  (647): yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network?? http://tfl.nu/1o9j
  Replies (0) Good night (414) Bad night (344)

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