Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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  (828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6
  Replies (7) Good night (2561) Bad night (1050)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?

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  (250): When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to? http://tfl.nu/e636
  Replies (23) Good night (5489) Bad night (1399)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.

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  (507): Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars. http://tfl.nu/c0o9
  Replies (5) Good night (2400) Bad night (1006)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.

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  (303): Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit. http://tfl.nu/weri
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (1483)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself

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  (706): I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself http://tfl.nu/6gni
  Replies (15) Good night (1540) Bad night (612)
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  (818): View more from California

  It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.

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  (818): It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care. http://tfl.nu/qr5p
  Replies (9) Good night (1137) Bad night (1553)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me

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  (206): She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me http://tfl.nu/zp1n
  Replies (11) Good night (2303) Bad night (619)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity

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  (612): So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age (612): Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity http://tfl.nu/l9mx
  Replies (6) Good night (977) Bad night (569)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It turns out my teeth are bleeding.

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  (+44): Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become. (+44): It turns out my teeth are bleeding. http://tfl.nu/m4n5
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (2040)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.

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  (517): passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/smsc
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (778)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.

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  (202): A big toe in my vag is not foreplay. http://tfl.nu/p4zv
  Replies (13) Good night (538) Bad night (1939)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.

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  (720): A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively. http://tfl.nu/qap5
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (360)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'

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  (401): My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.' http://tfl.nu/jt97
  Replies (11) Good night (2218) Bad night (589)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

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  (708): I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING? (224): WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? http://tfl.nu/7enb
  Replies (11) Good night (1059) Bad night (519)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.

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  (410): I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling. http://tfl.nu/eba9
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (917)

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