Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea