also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
