I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
