the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
