Its about making memories worth repressing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
