I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
