Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
