If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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