and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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