you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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