you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
