Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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