woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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