Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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