All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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