no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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