took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
