I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
